The Next US President

The US elections are finally here. And with the entire show that has been taking place with regard to this election, I’m a little surprised I have not written anything on the highlight of this election…a certain Governor from Alaska.

These elections were definitely going to be the stuff of legends. The world had suffered enough under George Bush. And most of us are happy to see him go. (Watch the head while you get on that chopper GB). During his term, he successfully managed to bring terrorism and Jihad-ism and Bush-ism and all sorts of other dumb ‘isms’ to the fore front. We had things bad, he made it worse. Will not get into the details of how.

Anyway, the world waits with bated breath to see who would replace GB and hopefully do something about the mess he’s made. It all started with the great democratic party stand-off between Hilary Clinton and Barrack Obama. Each one was equally convincing as candidates to the Oval office. But after much bickering, and debating, Obama emerged a clear fore-runner. The hilarious part about this was that some my well-informed Indian acquaintances thought that this was the final election and proudly announced, “Hey dude! Obama became president da!”. I was all shocked! The time machine worked! Obama is president!!! (Victory lap in my cubicle)

Anyway, after a boring, but much needed update on the American political scenario, (much to the regret of my victims), we got back to checking who was to be the other guy. Out comes John Mc Cain. One nut job on the Jay Leno show thought it was the guy from all those Die Hard movies. (You mean John McClain?????....It would be fun to see this old man go, “Yippie Kayay M*therF*cker!!!”). Alright Mc Cain v/s Obama. I can live with that. Life was all sunshine and daisies. Obama announced Biden to be his running mate. Ok…I can live with that too. Then out came the clowns…(trumpets….drum roll…confetti….). Presenting ‘Sarah the Unbearable’.

Senator Sarah Louise Heath Palin, an unknown entity in this race who all of a sudden had potential to own the keys to the white house. Not to mention those Nuclear Weapons. John…WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?????

From then on, I lost all hope for the Americans. In her very first interview, Palin displayed her acute knowledge of world politics, economy and general intellect. She knew nothing what so ever. The former ‘Miss Congeniality’94, had the brain of an ostrich. She sincerely believed that she was ready to handle international politics only because of the proximity of the state of Alaska to Russia and Canada. (Those Canadians I tell you…dangerous folk…must be dealt with very carefully. They got WMD a.k.a tons of snow…and those well trained Mounties.). She clearly displayed that her knowledge of the policies of the existing Bush administration was not very good either. Palin never answered a single question to the point, and generally went beating around about some other bush(no pun intended). She ended every answer stating,”I’m an American Mother who understands what children need. We need someone who understands mothers.”

Yes! After all, the Iranians would cut you some slack. Not to forget the Jihadis who would excuse you for being a mother. And of course, since you are a mother, that gave you the right to control the nuclear arsenal of the world. I have nothing against Mothers. They are the strongest people on Earth, but sometimes, while dealing with politics, motherly love isn’t exactly the right thing. Imagine Palin going to the Arabs and telling the king to stop picking his nose…wow…that would be something for diplomacy.

Palin has never visited a single country outside the US of A except Mexico (where she probably went for spring break…got drunk…next minute she’s the star of Girl Gone Wild ... I meant Travel & Living). So much for international exposure. She even told the media that we should help their neighbours in Afghanistan? (You meant Mexico…desert….same thing right?)

On global warming, Palin said that "A changing environment will affect Alaska more than any other state, because of our location. I'm not one though who would attribute it to being man-made." She later said that "man's activities certainly can be contributing to the issue" and that "John McCain and I agree that we gotta do something about it.".

No Sarah, man is NOT causing global warming. It’s those darn furry cute woodland creatures like Bambi and Thumper who are doing it. Let’s shoot them.

Palin's knowledge in general is quite annoying. Her outlook,her accumen and everything else is not something the world needs right now. We've had enough of Geroge Bush and his regime. We cant tolerate more statements like, " Most of our exports go outside the US of A" (Well du-uh)

An article on the Newsweek website best describes why Sarah Palin is a threat to humanity in general. Her convictions alone in such perilous times make her unsuitable to even be the coach of her kid’s PTA. (And yet…she’s governor)

Now, most people might tell me that she’s only the VP and cant do all that much. Imagine this, John McCain dies. (Not too hard to imagine), Palin becomes president. Palin has access to nuclear code. She presses the button, just to see the pretty fire-works. Even after she’s destroyed a substantial part of a continent, she’ll still be alright with it because she believes she is doing God’s bidding.

The part I find the most amusing is the fact that a lot of American Women are actually buying the BS being sold by the republican party. “She’s a Mother, she knows how I feel. She must be good for the job.” By that logic, my mom should be running the World Bank (the woman has accounts for every penny spent in the last zillion years…never missed a rupee).

It is for this sole reason that I want Obama to win the election. The man is erudite, young and does not have a looney hockey mom as his running mate. Let’s see what tomorrow brings. But if Palin becomes President, I’m building a bomb shelter near by. She might think,”The solution to get rid of outsourcing, is to get rid of the place to which the jobs are being outsourced. Oooooh! Let’s nuke Bangalore! Bristol…the baby threw up on those CIA files again!”

PS: Another dumb thought...if Palin becomes VP...she can get together with Carla Bruni and cut a record. Bruni on vocals and guitar, Palin on flute. It would be like listening Bob Dylan and Jethro Tull together. (No offence to fans of either...Dylan is demi-god)