Mr. Chauvinist puts foot in mouth.

While this sounds like the title to a PG Wodehouse novel, it is all mine. This Saturday lunch was quite awesome. I got to spend time with a really spectacular girl over some Italian food. Despite the fact that I lost 30 bucks to eunuchs waiting, lunch was still quite a fun affair. All is going well until the waiter comes and tells me that they don’t accept cards. Ok, I’m fairly annoyed by all this, but company is there and must not lose temper. I know I am carrying a fair amount of paper cash to last the evening without me breaking into a sweat by running to the nearest ATM. You’ll understand the significance of this later. Anyway, that was nothing. Lunch eaten, bill paid, me content as a hippo.

I am all nice-guy types and tell the girl that I’d walk her to her bike, and then push off on my own. Well, girl is obviously amused by the sudden display of chauvinism, but plays along. We’re walking towards where she’s parked her bike…and I suddenly realize, something is amiss in that scene. Spidey senses going all tingly. What’s wrong? I realize my bike is not where I parked it. Alright Nikhilesh! Now is not the time to panic. It’s not an exam, chill!!! I look around, but still can’t find her… ‘her’ I mean the bike. I don’t really like her….but she’s all I have…again I mean the bike.

So much for me playing the male chauvinist. I want to walk the girl to her bike, but my own is missing. (Something tells me the omnipotent one was playing a really dirty trick on me….was pointing and laughing) So there I was, foot comfortably tucked into my mouth, no bike, and girl even more amused. (At least I hope she was only amused ….). The girl was kind enough not burst out laughing at my face and in fact volunteered to drop me at the cop station. I’ve gone all meek and hang head in shame. Last time I felt this way was when I got kneed in the groin while playing football in front of a lot of people….girls in the audience. And since yours truly isn’t too good with the local language, I asked her if she could maybe help out with the negotiations.

Now, you wonder where the credit card figures in all this. Here goes, I have no clue how much you pay for this sort of thing. It’s only my second contact with the law. (The first being my ten seconds on the bench inside for allegedly trespassing on some ground to play cricket, they took my new bat and I wasn’t going down without a fight). I was only hoping that I had enough to cover the fine. This is where I know there is a God, and he’ll do all these nasty things to me, but won’t let me lose face completely. I had the exact amount to tender to the cops. I breathe a sigh of relief. The only way this could have got worse if I had to turn to the girl and ask her to lend me some money. Had it come to that, I would have probably joined the Ostriches in Africa and buried my head in the sand….. Forever!

The night was spent having nightmares of the great Zeppelin burning and crashing, the Titanic sinking, the Columbia Space shuttle burning up…..I wonder why?