Cutting corners…

A simple rule I learnt from one of the bloggers is that you never write about the people at work. You preferably never write about work. If you do tend to write about work, refrain from calling co-workers names like poo-poo head or rabid dog. Anyway, I am going to speak about something everyone who is fortuante/unfortunate to work in the corporate sector are facing - Cost cutting!!!I’ve got to quote a great saying from the classic cinema (cough cough) Harold and Kumar, which is “ What the Faaaaaaaaaaaak????” 

We’re throwing out everything in the office. Am reminded of a scene in some ship movie (cant figure the name) where they kept throwing stuff overboard. Everything from utensils, to guns, to furniture, to people….no no no….we’re not throwing people overboard. Not yet! The wage-earning place is undergoing the effects of the meltdown, and it is not being taken too lightly. We were already cost cutting before we knew it. We removed the paper towels from the washrooms to save paper. Instead, we decided to use the power guzzling hand dry-blower (oooh….kinky stuff). So out with the paper and in with the electricity. Okay! I can live with that! (At least they left the toilet paper….) 

Somehow, our hot chocolate and soup vending machine mysteriously decided to stop working (all on its own) in the week that followed the great bank crash. The machine was never heard from later. So just like that, we were deprived of hot chocolate and soup. Despite what they tell me, I’m sure some of the office boys were paid to sabotage and dispose off with the machine in the dead of night. These corporate scandals I tell you….all too creepy. Our paper cups have gone missing too. They’ve replaced them with ceramic mugs. Okay. I thought that was a good idea. Until of course, it was discovered that the cost cutting didn’t work as fellow workers were leaving the mugs downstairs when they went for a smoke. Now, we can’t take the mugs out of the office. (Am I the only one who is thinking of the increased cost in water being used to clean so many mugs?) 

So that’s two things out of the way. Come January, our newspapers seem to be missing too. No more spending time reading the ‘Mid-day’ newspaper and analyzing the future career prospects of the Mid-day playmates. No more reading up on the various romantic issues like ‘I love my girlfriend but love my dog also (Not at the same time I hope) …I don’t know which to keep around thanks to the recession….please help’. Or ‘I am a 32 years old woman in love with a man 10 years younger to me….how do I propose?’ (Erm….Cougar anybody?). No more spending time reading the daily horoscope – ‘Gemini – Today single Gemini’s will find true love and will receive a promotion and a substantial salary hike at work. Also, the sun will rise in the west tomorrow and all pigs will fly’. 

We’ve not spared the flowers in the reception either. At least there was something bright and cheerful when one walked into work; now, even that is gone. I’m happy we’ve left the lights on. I know in certain companies where they switch off the lights too. One company removed their coffee machines all together and keeps the cafeteria open for only a couple of hours in the day. This is to prevent employees from spending too much time at lunch or chit chatting about where they’ve sent their resumes to on the pretext of coffee. We’re even taking recycling and power saving seriously. Things are that bad. 

Oh well, in my opinion, this is merely the tip of the iceberg. As the months progress, we just may be asked to bring our own toilet paper from home. Am hoping we don’t have to resort to Slumdog Millionaire tactics. (Ewwwwww….gross!!!) I had better invest in one of those hand held battery operated fans. Only the lord knows when they’re going to turn off the air-conditioning. (They won’t…am just speculating). That be the case, I’m coming to work in shorts. Am sure my lovely pair of legs would be motivation enough for them to turn on the air-conditioning again to get me to wear pants.