Somehow, the Natalie Imbruglia song doesn’t fit this scenario exactly. It’s 7 AM. I’m having nightmares trying to choose. It’s a life altering decision. It will change everything. Also, considering the fact that the choices I have aren’t exactly the best, I have to choose the lesser of two evils.

For all those who haven’t figured out my geeky woes, I’m trying to select a laptop. This is normally a fairly easy task. I had my heart set on the Apple Mac book ever since I saw it. ( I really need a life….’love at first sight’ with all these gadgets…first guitar…now this). But my college sent us a configuration which we need to adhere to. I believed it would be wiser to allow them to procure the same. However, it turns out – the most important part of the laptops they are getting, is not to my liking. I am referring to the all important elixir of life - the graphics card. None of these have any. They are all onboard units with zero upgrade capability. While I don’t expect to be spending the next year gaming, I would like to be able to run counter Strike Source on my system. I am sure that Quake 3 arena and AOE II would work quite well….but it’s CS:Source that I’m worried about.

The prices are too tempting for me to not take up the offer. I can buy a beautiful little gaming console post MBA. That can happen, but my fear remains – what if I forget what it is to game? What if I become like all the other corporate sell-outs and deem Gaming a juvenile pastime and never buy a gaming console/laptop again? What if I trade in my keyboard and mouse for a stupid golf club? ( I want to play that too, but not right now) Can any of you who know me imagine a Nikhilesh Murthy who didn’t game? Can you???

It's blasphemous almost.... unheard of....absurd... ( I'm starting to sound like Tevye)

I remember the last time I didn’t have a graphics card. One whole year almost. I did a lot of stupid embarrassing things in that time. Nothing to keep me grounded. No sniping and headshots and frags to keep me in touch with reality. Many of my friends would testify in court the madness I had undergone. It’s now that I’m normal again and am thinking properly and sanely and less like a kid fresh in college high on adrenaline. ( He’s lamenting about PC games…that isn’t puerile enough?)

Anyway, I’m torn… I’m confused…perplexed…bamboozled…bewildered…befuddled….(amazing how the synonyms tab with the right click work…) But I still can’t truly express what I’m going through. Singing like Natalie, “My inspiration has run dry….That’s what’s going on, nothings right, I’m torn….”