Investment analysis…..girls….hee hee…poda!!!

I might sound terribly shallow in this one, but excuse the fact that this comes after my first nervous breakdown during the course. I always believed that there was one thing in this world I had no knowledge of, and that no matter what I did, it would remain a total mystery to me. The mystery that is ‘women’. I don’t get them. Or more like, I don’t understand how to get them. Some guys just have it so easy. They understand the signs when a girl is interested, they know the right ‘moves’….i’m still hunting for that textbook, btw. I still recollect a phase where in I had to take advice from friends to try and achieve the impossible….well, besides looking like a total idiot at the end of it….it left me with a certainty that this is one science I am not going to understand.

Until today, I was very content that this was the only Achilles foot in my arsenal of tricks, and was quite happy being blissfully unaware of the various ‘rules’ and ‘terms’. Something I learnt really late, a little too late for my own good. But after today’s lectures, one nervous breakdown later, I have discovered the other thing I am absolutely clueless about! Investment analysis!

I come from a fairly poor yet rich background where stock markets and investments were not exactly popular things around the household. Also, I have not been fortunate enough to draw a heavy salary, or have a rich relative die, so that I have money to squander on the stock market. Yours truly remains absolutely clueless about investments. And it seems that I am the only one in my class. 5 classes in and all I do is come out at the end of three hours feeling less and less like a human being. People seem to understand all this jazz, stock return, duration, common equity, portfolio, midcap, hedgeing, arbitration. All I do is sit there with my hand held to my forehead staring in absolute confusion as to what is going on. Similar feeling when….you know! At least I can say that when it comes to girls, there is no prescribed textbook and everything is out of syllabus. Good excuse I have! What do I say about investments? I read and go to class believing that - today I shall answer at least one question in class, but no. Seems they are speaking some other language. Could someone please speak English in this class?I am reduced to running monologues in my head, some really sad one too. Eg:

What do we do with the bond when it completes maturity?

Retire it and get Daniel Craig to play bond….

So why do we want to hedge this ?

Because we’re trying to go green….

What are the T-bills?

(too easy this one is)

I have finally reached the end of my tether. I have lost my mind. I spent the last half an hour writing WTF in my notebook. Resembled the starting of ‘The Simpsons’ where Bart is going through his impositions of writing a 100 times. Great, now what else is left? Maybe I ought to run into a wall and knock the letters of the alphabet out of my head.