They’ve taken away my IPL

For those who know me well enough, I don’t care all that much for cricket as much as I do for Football. Cricket is part of our culture (or lack of it) hence I watch the game and am not as retarded as some people I know who still think Mark Waugh is captain of Australia. I am NOT kidding on this one. Anyway, just as I was getting comfortable with the aspect of an ODI, which they renamed to ‘Limited Overs International’. (God Damn Jargon), this new phenomenon called 20-20 came along, and India had to go ahead and win the darn World Cup. It was a good tournament, jolly good fun.

Then came this ghastly display called the IPL, and with the IPL came the most important part – Cheerleaders!!! (High Five Dudes). And all of a sudden, I found reason to watch grown men wildly swing their bats around and the crowd goes wild. And slowly, I too began to have some opinion on field placements, starting line ups, Hayden’s Mongoose bat and other stuff…and it was all because they showed cheerleaders whenever the ball went towards the boundary, or a wicket fell. Friend commented, “Since when were you into IPL and cricket?”

Life was good. Sachin scores, Dhoni scores…out came the cheerleaders. And these were like the ones you saw at basketball and football games…and all those lousy American college movies. And then…India happened! Moral God damn Police! Ugly aunty types had an issue with nice firang girls showing off skin and dancing away! Ugly Aunty was jealous that she could not look the same way and ponch bellied uncle was busy grinning away while he dug his nose while sitting in his lungi and staring at the screen.

And they just ruined the IPL for me. This time around, the cheerleaders are covered top to bottom. Most of them wear tracks that just do not justify the concept of a cheerleader. Or maybe I’ve grown up with the Claire Bennet Image in my head, that I really can’t accept these new fangled Indianized cheerleaders! We did it to Chinese food…no reason why we cant do it to cheerleaders! But Why? Like a little kid who just does not get why his parents told him not to behave a certain way…I ask “BUT WHY????” Please do not mistake me for a pervert of some order, but come on…you just don’t do such things to cheerleaders! They’ve become so boring, none of the camera guys focus on them. It's just these little moments of joy and fantasy that make cricket interesting. Like I honestly care!

Exception to this rule is the team I support….for more reasons than one…The Bangalore Royal Challengers! Besides being owned by Vijau Mallaya…they have the best cheerleaders among the entire lot! And they’re awesome! So, in case you were wondering why I am vehemently egging Kumble and his boys on….we know why! Viva Royal cheerleaders…I mean Royal Challengers!

PS: You've got to admire my honesty....better than those weirdos who on the outside support ugly aunty in protecting culture but on the inside wish they could get into the pants (or whatever) of those cheerleaders!