We love the darkness…

Ever wonder why a lot of these manager types are unhealthy and borderline anemic? Oh the same applies to IT types too…yes you…reading this blog when you should be outdoors. Anyway, it’s a simple thing. We love the darkness and our artificial lighting and not to mention artificial air and ready-made coffee. We love to lock ourselves up in dark rooms to discuss…ahem…quarterly strategy. I’m not sure if this nocturnal behavior is specific to only us IT types or is a universal disease as we move up the great corporate ladder.

There’s bright sunlight outside, the birds are chirping, lovers making love, children playing in the streets and we are locked up indoors. And just in case we have these vulgar thoughts (like the one I am having) of seeing the sun, we draw the blinds, turn off the lights and sun bath in that holy glow of a MS Powerpoint presentation off the white walls. Come to think of it, I think all us IT types are vampires. Yes Vampires! We hate the sunlight, we work well during the night and are pale and generally hate the human race, especially those ones that are technologically challenged…you mean you’re not reading this blog using a blackberry with active sync which backs up data on that server in San Jose and is also integrated with your VoIP network??? How dare you…infidel!!! And we love to collaborate with other vampires too.

Standard operating procedure…enter room in groups (missing the black leather suits like those in Underworld) and sit…switch off them lights….pull down them drapes…bring in the goblets of blood ( cups of terrible coffee) and let us now see how to drive this silver bullet into them werewolves ( Code for ‘How to increase market share by killing the competition).

Below is the summary of the Daybreakers movie (courtesy Wikipedia.com):
Daybreakers is a 2010 science fiction horror film written and directed by Michael and Peter Spierig. The film takes place in 2019, where a plague has turned most of the planet's human population into vampires. A vampiric corporation sets out to capture and farm the remaining humans while researching a blood substitute. Lead vampire hematologist Edward Dalton's (Ethan Hawke) work is interrupted by human survivors led by former vampire Elvis (Willem Dafoe), who has a cure that can save the human race.

Convert this into a long term strategy with SWOT analysis and throw in an Ansoff Matrix (PS: I learn these big words to impress the MBA types at b-school) and we have a regular IT company vision (and sometimes mission) statement:

ABC IT Ltd. Is a 10 year old horror IT company founded by Chris Gupta (who was formerly Krishna Chandra Bhatia). The company’s long term vision is to enable every human on the planet with IT tools they may not really need. The company has set out to research the best industry practices while investing heavily in tomorrow’s technology. Lead by an able CFO, Kumar Santhanam (formerly known as V.S.K Kumar…notice how these CFO types are normally Tam-bram accountants) and CMO, Vincent Kapoor (Yes….he was previously known as Bunty Singh Kapoor…now he is Italian) to enable humans to move into the Cloud.

PS: All names here are fictional. Any co-incidence with human entities is purely by chance. I cannot say the same for Vampire Converts though