As I add another candle to any cake that I might cut, I find myself thinking about the years gone by, and especially the last few years. And somehow, I can’t help but feel a little disappointed. I’m more or less still the same weight I was, have lost more hair, and am starting to join the league of old people with all them old people problems like aching bones and what not. Oh! And I have an MBA degree now…a dream that took almost 10 years in the making. Might not be a big deal for the rest of the people, but considering the fact that most of those sorry-excuses for teachers from middle school had written me off as becoming anything in life, I think I’ve done pretty well for myself. Okay, it’s not great or anything, but I leave with a certain sense of moderate accomplishment. I think there is much more to come.
But what have I really gained over the last year? Good looks? Love? Wisdom? Naaah…none of that ! Definitely not the first two. But I think 26 has given me something pretty important for the years ahead…PERSPECTIVE! You learn to value a lot more of everything in life and tend to throw out all the wasteful activities and day dreaming. Compared to the Nikhilesh from one year ago (who was in terrible pain owing to the fact that the entire boys hostel decided to kick him in the butt as there was an accounting exam the next day…and we all know what accounting does to people), I think I’ve gained a whole lot of maturity on a whole lot of issues. The first being about work…work is no longer that chore I do to earn a wage. You’re at work for the learning and the experience of everything. It is no longer just ‘Money money money’. While I still find it a little hard to forgive myself for going back to IT, I think it is okay, I might grow to like it…someday.
Perspective on relationships, I think this is perhaps the most important thing. From wanting to be the life of the party, loud and obnoxious types, you tend to spend more time with the few people whom you can trust. You tend to find people with whom you can have intelligent conversations on the economy to the most mundane conversation on which flavor of ice cream is better. Basically people you are comfortable with and can be with unconditionally. And in terms of the kind of girls you tend to like( PS: confession coming up here….target audience please take note…call me), you tend to go for the smarter ones rather than the “She is SO HOT!” ones. And I guess all this comes from understanding what you want out of life.
I still can’t help feel a little disappointed on many things, things like how I’m still a bedroom guitarist/song writer and am yet to make it big with any band, things like I still ride an Activa besides being a manager type person and am yet to get the complete hang of driving, things like I’m 26 and still single, things like no matter how hard I try to gym my weight marginally fluctuates….and a whole host of things. But then, I think I am alright as long as I don’t stop trying to change all of that. And that is the kind of determination that comes with 26.
26 brings in a whole lot of insecurities with it too. A certain pressure to make it big asap but you do your best to go slow and steady, insecurities on looks and a receding hairline, insecurities like being accepted by people for who you are and not some person you are not, insecurities of not knowing where your next paycheck will come from if you lose your job, insecurities of becoming irrelevant to your time, insecurities of relationships with friends, insecurities of love and a whole lot of things. But then, like I blogged in a previous article….it’s not worth it if everything is perfect and goes according to plan. You learn much more from the world not turning according to plan and failure. Perfection is something for older days on the other side of 35.
And if I were to ask for gifts this birthday, it would be gifts like ‘patience’, ‘strength’ and ‘honour’. And these can’t be bought anywhere but earned over time. And I think I’ve done pretty well that way. So not exactly jumping for joy at the age of 26 (I might break a hip or something at this age) but not too disappointed either. There is a lot more to come.
Thank You World!
PS: Now that I’m done being philosophical, here’s what I want. Friends and well-wishers take note. I will not accept cash...only kind.
1. A nice car…thinking of a white Volkswagen Beetle
2. A newer cell phone perhaps
3. Definitely a PS3 and a flat screen 32 inch Sony TV (Will settle for Samsung too)
4. A nice high end camera
5. A guitar processor (basic Model will do)
6. An astronomical telescope (Will not spy on neighbours making out)
7. A date with Gul Panag (or Genelia D Souza)…Sigh!
8. A new laptop (Thinking Alienware with a really high end graphics card)
9. A ticket to the finals of the FIFA Worldcup
10. A ticket on a cruise with a guarantee that I would meet the girl of my dreams (or Gul Panag…or Genelia D Souza)