For your eyes only…..NOT!!!!

How many people reading this blog have either relatives ,friends…or the worst of all, office colleagues who stand right behind you and read whatever you are reading on the computer screen (or in my case laptop….muhahaha….the sign of a prosperous corporate slave)???? You know…the kind that sneaks up behind you, puts their head right behind your neck and breathe so close to you that you can feel it and then they go, “ Arey Bhai !!! Kya pad rahe ho????” (Translation: Dude…what are you reading?) And then begin to read out loud whatever the text on your screen…just in case you forgot what you learnt at primary school.

We all have these lovely delightful people in our lives….at work, at home, at college, or even the internet parlor. I’m going to focus on some folks who’ve assumed that office principles like ‘collaboration’ or ‘sharing’ are to be taken seriously, who annoy me a lot. Look, I don’t open face book on the office laptop, I don’t have pictures of my girlfriend(imaginary one) in a bathing suit on my laptop….In fact, I don’t have pictures of anyone in a bathing suit on my laptop…oh wait! Have forgotten about recent trip where I thought the moderate dieting and exercising made me worthy of being an extra on 300, after which I decided to put on my swim trunks.( No! It’s not a Speedo in case you were thinking it). So what is it that you’re trying to see?

“ Arey Bhai! What is this? You are reading article on… (put in one of those new-fangled IT things….okay we’ll use CRM for now)”…..Rewrite,” Arey Bhai!!! You are reading an article on CRM! Wah Wah! You must teach me some day!”. Wow, I almost did not feel you breathing next to my ear at proximity of less than an inch. Dude! Not so close…people may think we’re in love! Also, that garlic chicken you had for lunch is really strong. I secretly know some of the people like to know what you are reading because they don’t want you having that extra bit of knowledge which you may use to your advantage at the review meeting where you may go, “ I believe from my extensive research and secondary data analysis that our business is ideally suited to expand into the CRM realm where I believe, looking at trends generated from Gartner report of 2010, CRM app support is on the up!!!” then throw up a couple of nifty slides courtesy Powerpoint and watch the bosses go Ooooooh!!!! Aaaaah!!!! For heavens’ sake…stop being such a pain.

These folks are nice people otherwise, except that their insecurity makes me want to tie a bell around their neck. A person’s laptop is their own. You have the right to catch a glance…especially if he’s reading a report that has some awesome photos of these office type babes in suggestive formals. But at no point are you allowed to bring your face within 10 inches of his face (Ladies…exceptions) and even then, please do not read out loud to me. My parents taught me to read…and write too…not that I did much with either of those skills...but that’s a different matter. I am an ordinary person, and I have nothing to hide…but please, for heavens sake, stop creeping up on people and reading their screens.

I guess it’s this very ‘Indian’ thing to be more interested in what your neighbor is doing than what’s going on in your own house. Following very common dialogues at almost all homes, “ Did you know? Mrs.Mishra’s daughter ran away with one boy from a different religion to get married?” “ Did you know that pappu got thrown out of class today for not doing homework?” “Did you know, that newly wed couple is buying a new car?” “Did you know? They can’t find a girl for that boy. He has started drinking…” so on and so forth. And I believe it is this domestic habit that has translated into the work place where most people can’t seem to focus on their work, but on the work (or facebook profile) of others. Humph!!!

Just because it is there….

But I don’t want to clap for you