The Fat Patch

I think it is high time you treat fat people with the same sympathy with which you’d treat a disabled person. No my friends, I am not being a heartless human who is looking for benefits and claiming that I am some oppressed class. But the truth is, that’s how fat people are treated. Think of all the fat kids you have made fun of in school, and the same juvenile behavior continues into adulthood, you’ve never allowed them to play sports, even if they would have made the best goalkeeper ever. You always picked them last to be in the school play, even though they acted better than that hotshot fellow who was sort of the Robert Pattinson of school (looked decent, but had no acting sense…if he goofed up, he’d flash one of those smiles that made the brain dead girls…a vast majority of them, sigh). You’d probably not even invite the fat kid on outings because oh, he might get stuck in the water slide and he’ll need one entire seat in the car to himself…and he might finish all the food. And I am sure our larger women have a whole other set of issues as well.

Anyway, when you wont allow us to lead normal lives merely because of the way we are ‘physically’ why don’t you create a quota for us and give us benefits. Considering the emotional baggage we have to carry and smile through all the taunting and mocking, we obviously need to have some sort of benefit over you supposedly perfect looking twits who will lose all your looks the day you hit 35 and then go in for plastic surgery which will go horribly wrong and then you’d spend the rest of your days looking at old school photos and wondering where it all went wrong. Karma is a bitch baby!

Leaving the emotional issues for my session with a psychiatrist (will need one someday), I was thinking, for those of us larger folks who are still somehow affected by the taunting, can someone come up with a fat –patch? The idea is simple. You’ve heard of a nicotine patch for all those who try to wean themselves off the cigarette by wearing it. The patch slowly infuses nicotine into the skin and helps reduce cravings. For us weak-hearted folks, why not create a patch that infuse….mayonnaise, or barbeque sauce into the bloodstream rather have us gorge on that burger. It could come in different flavours.…tandoori chicken would be my favourite. Maybe chocolate flavor for the ladies. No one ever thinks of that. The point is to take care of those temporary cravings. So why not create a fat-patch?

BTW, you never make fun of smokers for being weak-willed do you? But you have no issues mocking the fat guy for being weak-willed when it comes to food. Talk about being cynical! With smokers, you at best stop at the ‘chimney’ joke…but with fat people, you seem to have an entire barrage of jokes; most of which we’ve heard at least a hundred times before….do you skinny idiots pass it on from generation to generation? Was there this one skinny caveman who made drawings of a Woolly Mammoth on his cave wall, pointed to and fro between the painting and his large wife and laughed and set the precedence for all fat people jokes?. Aren’t smokers and bingers on the same plane? They suffer from a lack of will power and can’t control it until regularly serviced. God damn cynics! Bah!