My Facebook account : for some eyes only

Dear Relative\s,

This letter is to my many dear relatives whom I so dearly adore and love with the purest of heart. You are some of the nicest people on the face of the earth, and I am indeed fortunate to have been blessed with such relatives. They say you can choose your friends but not your relatives, but I don’t believe I would choose anyone else. But all said and done, I am sorry but I will not accept your ‘Friend’ request on Facebook.

As the name suggests, it is a ‘friend’ request and not a ‘relative’ request. Hence please spam the facebook administrators to create a ‘relative’ request with relevant policies and then we may think of adding you to the fray. But as things stand, I do not wish that you see pictures of me in the company of….erm…liquor and other blasphemous vices like non veg and women. You may not find many women or any women though, but I do not wish to give you any sort of wrong idea even if there are any. I have seen the torture some other lady friends have gone through with their facebook profiles with relatives for wearing a spaghetti top and holding an apple martini in their hands. Not that any of my pics have me wearing a spaghetti top or holding an apple martini in my hand. I also do not wish that you view pictures of my tattoos, the people I hang out with and the places I hang out and get all judgmental and ask questions like “ Dai…you looked ill in that photo…the one where you’re lying on the beach in some funny liquid Did you have an upset stomach!” or “ Dai….what is that you are drinking? Apple juice aaaa?”

Relatives of mine, I really love you all, but I honestly don’t want you getting updates on my status which are pretty random and really are ‘spur of the moment’ sort of things with no real basis. An update like ‘Interested in the hot consultant chick from E&Y’ can cause many problems and misunderstandings. Please note that the above thing did not happen…god promise…pinky swear! I have no intentions that you guys call mum and ask her in a funny fashion “ Yenna di…boy is in love aaa? MBA fellow sooooper ponnu pudcharkaan!” (That was tamil which meant I caught a good fish….. understand *wink wink). I also do not wish that you misinterpret any comments from a woman on my album which says ‘looking good’ (This surely is not there) and believe she is hitting on me and then call me up to give me a lecture about the evils of women and how I must focus on my career.

Please stop sending me ‘friend’ requests. (Dad….this goes for you too…I know you read this blog!) I have nothing to hide as such and I lead a very simple yet almost full life! And I do not wish to complicate it by you good folks misunderstanding and misinterpreting stuff on my profile. Let’s be cordial at family meets and avoid any embarrassing questions or misconceptions about yours truly.

Yours Truly,
Nikhilesh “I hope you read my blog” Murthy