The 3 TV theory


I was talking to a good friend, who like me dreams to one day own a PS3. I own a PS3 NOW….but then we were in the same boat until I decided to finally jump off and swim to shore. So, friend is left without a PS3, at the moment. He’s moving on to bigger and better things where they actually pay you a decent wage….so we know where that paycheck is going.

However, unlike me, the decision to buy a PS3 is not a clear decision. In order to experience the full juvenile joy of games on the PS3, one needs to own a very good television.  My friend has this other problem ….ok…not problem…he has this other concern called a ‘girlfriend’. So here’s the problem, if he buys a TV, he would also have to buy a cable connection, so that his girlfriend can watch TV at his place, which clearly means PS3 time reduces. This is a grave problem….only a PS3 fan would understand and sympathize.

Based on this predicament, I have come up with the ‘3 TV theory’.  Here’s how it goes, “ If you are an avid male gamer and are fortunate to be in a relationship with a real human of the opposite gender and see this relationship turning into some form of a long term commitment like marriage, please invest in 3 televisions.”

Dear readers, I would like to pause here for a moment and state that I have absolutely no idea on how the concept of a relationship works, all my notions are purely theoretical (seen on TV and some in reality), so do not blame me if this theory does not work.

Here goes, Why 3 TVs you ask? Not all of us men would end up with a dame who likes exactly the same channels /programs we like. We men would probably want to watch the EPL, Dexter and Terranova while she wants to watch Masterchef Australia (although she will never ever cook any of those dishes), Saas ki bhi kabhi bahu thi and Grey’s Anatomy. The start of all fights….the power of control over the remote control. I know 2 women in the world who like some of the shows I like….but then, that’s 2 in a whole planet of women. If she watches football, she’ll probably support Arsenal because Van Persie is sooooooooooooooo cute! (Facepalm….I actually know a friend who supports AS Roma without having watched a game because she finds Totti to be so cute….no kidding here). So why would you subject yourself to watching all those TV series? Maybe it’s the whole ‘intimacy’ and ‘I love what you love’ thing which I don’t quite comprehend. You’ll also have to buy one of those Tata Sky recording thingies to record live matches and important events like ‘WWE Elimination Chamber’ and the season finale of  ‘Rakhi ka Insaaf’.

That explains the first TV. Now why the second? There is a good chance that if you were in a serious relationship with a woman, you might end up marrying her and given the right circumstances (lots of booze and pent up frustration) might result in procreation. The little tyke that comes around would want to watch cartoons. It’s fine as long as cartoons are limited to Tom&Jerry, Bug Bunny, Dexter’s Lab,etc….but from what I hear, kids today watch digimon,pokemon,yeah mon, mon-ica my darling, and other excuses for cartoons. Some of them love watching hindi film songs and jumping up and down to every song. So clearly, to prevent overlap of TV viewing priorities where you would end up watching what can only be described as “ Kyunki saas bhi kabhi Pokemon thi”…you buy the second TV.

That’s wise Nikhilesh…but why the third? Why? Why why why? Calm down dear reader….I’m coming straight to that point.

Assuming you are the MCP (google that) like most men, you really would not enjoy giving up control of the remote that allows mindless channel surfing only stop at every sport channel and the Discovery(FTV) channel. If you were the repressed gamer, like me, who is still fuelling his juvenile pursuits like a PS3, you’d obviously need a TV all to yourself. Preferably, the TV is to be placed in some dark store room or dungeon like place so that no one disturbs you. WWE and EPL would go undisturbed. This experience could be augmented by purchasing a 3 BHK, or at least a small penthouse/storage space near by so that you can run off to, to be by yourself without the Pokemons and Saas-Bahus.

So that ladies and gentlemen is my “3 TV theory” to ensure a happy (or less miserable) married life. Once again let me remind everyone that the author only owns a PS3 and currently is not nor has ever been in a relationship with a woman and is probably the best person to give you an unbiased opinion on how things ought to be done. Practice at own risk. I am not responsible for any break ups…but if any one who does break up and is looking for a drinking buddy, drop a message on twitter and I’ll be there. You’re buying obviously.

Just got parented…

Mujshe Fraaaandhsip Karoge???? erm...no!