3 hours i'll never get back...


Every time I go to a movie just because I have the hots for the heroine and I've more or less mapped out our lives together right from how we'd meet, how I muster up the guts to ask her out, one thing leads to another, mummies and daddies say yes, we get married, she continues to be a top actress and I become a really well recognized blues/grunge musician and so on; I end up hating the movie and swearing that I shall never ever let my love for a woman cloud my better judgment.

Needless to say, ‘jab tak hain jaan' was no different. As much as I have the hots for Anushka Sharma, (which is odd considering I don't normally like skinny creatures), this movie was one of the most painful things I had to endure. Those of you who have not seen the movie yet, please do NOT.

The plot of the movie clearly comes as an after-thought. It would seem as though the director just decided to shoot a whole bunch of scenes with Katrina dear running...just running around London, running through the field, running through the snow, running through the streets.... and yet, SRK is the idiot who manages to get hit by a car...Twice! After that he shot SRK, defusing bombs with the finesse that would make my neighborhood electrician proud. And last but not least, Anushka in those Ostrich legs prancing around all the cold places of the world acting all 21-st century independent woman. (Did not know modern women also had the ,”Machaan, hit it and leave it da. Who wants emotions? ” attitude about them. )

At the end, the editors tried to see what sort of common thread they could draw between the shot scenes, and hence we were subject to over 3 hours of the torture known as 'Jab tak hain jaan'. I heard that's what killed Kasab, he hung himself after watching the movie. (PS: No disrespect meant to families of victims - both terrorist attacks and the movie, please don't send police uncles to arrest me.)              

I won’t even comment as to how the SRK cannot even hold, let alone play chords after being a so-called established Bollywood hero for so long. I have renewed respect for Arjun Rampal who looked a more genuine guitar player in 'Rock On'. Also, how is it that all these homeless Indian people seem to be getting Gibson guitars and spend not an ounce of time caring for it? For the uninitiated, a Gibson guitar is one of the few things after food that makes me drool.

Ranbir from 'Rockstar' had the same thing going on. And even he did not bother to at least look like the notes he was holding matched the song. I know, I know...you must be thing why this unestablished two-bit rhythm guitar player is being so prissy? Well, it's the internet, I have an opinion and I'm going to share it. (PS: Rule applies only to matters that do not concern public interest because one had better agree lest they end up in jail with charges of sedition).

Then why didn't I leave the hall as each passing moment got unbearable? Sigh, what can I say. It's the blind obsession with the now anorexic Anushka Sharma. And clearly, this too ended like my many other real life interests in women. A lot of time and effort spent only to have me think 'What the f*** was I thinking...clearly I was not'. I look forward to the sequel ‘Jab tak hain after-life’…clearly jaan did not work out so well for most of us.

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Uncle matt kaho na...