Mental Manifesto and elections gone whacko…

We’re back with the greatest display of democracy that the world has ever seen. Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve got front row center tickets for the Indian elections. Now, elections in India are nothing like what we saw with the McCain-Obama bit last year. It would have been an Indian-like election had Sarah Palin come to power. An example of how a mis-informed and mentally ….ahem….person can stand for elections in the most powerful democracy in the world.

But, India as expected has put up a much better show. We’ve got them all. Young guns, hotel grads, wrestlers, Italian mafia, hindu-whack jobs…we have them all. Forget the IPL…the greatest show is right here in India. I’m enjoying these elections much more than the previous elections. For the simple reason, I’m more aware of the world now. And some of the election manifestos really crack me up. And the mud-slinging is hilarious beyond anything. I’m not going to comment on many of the …ahem….candidates who are going to be representing the masses of one of the largest democracies in the world.

The most hilarious bit was when a party said that they would ban English and computers. This would solve the poverty problem of the country. English is the bane of the nation. Forget the fact that the world economy now depends on the knowledge of English. Especially in a country like ours where we are highly dependent on English-speaking economies, it is still a sign of the British-Raj. We must all revert to devnagiri, Sanskrit and other retro forms. I say we give up use of communication and be like cave men. Most of our candidates have profiles worthy of cavemen too. I’m not even going to comment on the use of computers. Morse-code any one? Hey, I’m planning on starting a pigeon message delivery service soon? Any takers for my entrepreneurial venture?

The next bit that I find quite entertaining was the verbal duel between a woman candidate from UP and a mother of a was-candidate-till-opened-mouth erstwhile member of a major political dynasty. It was almost like seeing the girls at my school fight. 

“You don’t have children…you can’t know how a mother feels.”

“I don’t need children to understand motherly love (if I did, they’d probably commit suicide if they saw me) I’m like Mother Teresa.”

WHAAAAAAAAAAT ???????? Erm….okay…..vivid imagination. (I’m trying to see if we can ban this candidate for having a vivid imagination…..nope…)

Heck, even my mom doesn’t have the right to compare herself to Mother Teresa. And this… makes me want to cry. There was a movie in a movie, where Megan Fox plays the role of Mother Teresa. Now, putting her and the very imaginative candidate next to one another….. I guess we all know who we’d be rooting for to be Mother Teresa ?

Okay. Cat-fights aside, we’ve got the old going up against the young. And the age difference makes the McCain-Obama bit look like a total joke. And the young guns have already learnt the all essential art of public humiliation of the opposition. The television ads are equally hilarious. Hats-off to the ad agencies that make these ads. I might almost vote for the wrong guy, based on the artistic value of the advertisement. Some of the candidates…former(tainted) cricketers , (tainted)film actors seem to be doing big business. Down south, we have some of the legends of the regional film industry making big waves. Heck, some of the political rallies have so many people attending and cheering, it almost beats the number of girls at an Enrique concert cheering him on. (This analogy is based on what I saw on TV…. I would not be caught dead at such a concert….) you thought what you saw at the Obama acceptance speech was mind-blowing….move over Obama….Chiranjeevi cometh.

The slightly bright spot of the election is poor Mr.Shashi Tharoor, moving around Kerela with his broken Malayalam. Somehow, it’s quite unbecoming to see guys like him getting their hands dirty. But, I’d vote for him. He might just turn out to be less of a crook. Overall, these elections are going to be very interesting. A nation poised to conquer might just be set back a few years. I’m yet to make up  my mind for whom I vote for. A political party that has let terror be and has taken away education from the hard-working lot and handed it over to the undeserving bunch based on some ancient ideal. Or do I vote for the party who do have a track record of improving the nation but, unfortunately believe in something as foolish as religion that they just might make the whole terror problem worse by inciting communalism. Or for the Mother Teresa wannabe who’d have me done in for speaking out against her or her ideals. Nah…. I hate English and computers. I’m voting for the guys who back my entrepreunerial idea. 

Also, enough with the ‘Jai Ho’ theme song. The slumdog millionare has become rich and has now migrated to the US and is doing some retarded job. All because he didn’t get any opportunity for higher studies in India as the quota system did not allow him to take up a seat. Also, his knowledge of English was impeccable, due to which the other people in the community accused him of being western and got a local thug group to beat him up for wearing jeans.