Every time I go to a movie just because I have the hots for
the heroine and I've more or less mapped out our lives together right from how
we'd meet, how I muster up the guts to ask her out, one thing leads to another,
mummies and daddies say yes, we get married, she continues to be a top actress
and I become a really well recognized blues/grunge musician and so on; I end up
hating the movie and swearing that I shall never ever let my love for a woman
cloud my better judgment.
Needless to say, ‘jab tak hain jaan' was no different. As
much as I have the hots for Anushka Sharma, (which is odd considering I don't
normally like skinny creatures), this movie was one of the most painful things
I had to endure. Those of you who have not seen the movie yet, please do NOT.
The plot of the movie clearly comes as an after-thought. It
would seem as though the director just decided to shoot a whole bunch of scenes
with Katrina dear running...just running around London, running through the field,
running through the snow, running through the streets.... and yet, SRK is the
idiot who manages to get hit by a car...Twice! After that he shot SRK, defusing
bombs with the finesse that would make my neighborhood electrician proud. And last
but not least, Anushka in those Ostrich legs prancing around all the cold
places of the world acting all 21-st century independent woman. (Did not know modern
women also had the ,”Machaan, hit it and leave it da. Who wants emotions? ” attitude
about them. )
At the end, the editors tried to see what sort of common
thread they could draw between the shot scenes, and hence we were subject to
over 3 hours of the torture known as 'Jab tak hain jaan'. I heard that's what
killed Kasab, he hung himself after watching the movie. (PS: No disrespect
meant to families of victims - both terrorist attacks and the movie, please
don't send police uncles to arrest me.)
I won’t even comment as to how the SRK cannot even hold, let
alone play chords after being a so-called established Bollywood hero for so
long. I have renewed respect for Arjun Rampal who looked a more genuine guitar
player in 'Rock On'. Also, how is it that all these homeless Indian people seem
to be getting Gibson guitars and spend not an ounce of time caring for it? For
the uninitiated, a Gibson guitar is one of the few things after food that makes
me drool.
Ranbir from 'Rockstar' had the same thing going on. And even
he did not bother to at least look like the notes he was holding matched the
song. I know, I know...you must be thing why this unestablished two-bit rhythm
guitar player is being so prissy? Well, it's the internet, I have an opinion and
I'm going to share it. (PS: Rule applies only to matters that do not concern
public interest because one had better agree lest they end up in jail with
charges of sedition).
Then why didn't I leave the hall as each passing moment got unbearable?
Sigh, what can I say. It's the blind obsession with the now anorexic Anushka
Sharma. And clearly, this too ended like my many other real life interests in
women. A lot of time and effort spent only to have me think 'What the f*** was
I thinking...clearly I was not'. I look forward to the sequel ‘Jab tak hain
after-life’…clearly jaan did not work out so well for most of us.
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